thought i could die

i had time to contemplate that i may never come home again. i was on a midnight flight from charlotte to asheville in a storm and the little plane bounced the entire way. the flight attendants never got up, bells and noises were going off the whole flight. because it was so late and the lights were off NO ONE said a word the whole time. i assume many were praying the entire way like i was. we landed and i tried to throw up.

i realized that much of what makes me uptight is just foolish. i really want to be just content. i am fortunate beyond belief. i just want to be content. it is such a heart condition- not about circumstances. i am praying for a softening of my heart. i just want to be content.

celebrating

dating- i have decided to date. you know that exciting feeling, that get dressed up and wear eyeshadow for a change look, the don't eat that extra cookie so i look hot in my jeans choice. i want that back for a while. i know it doesn't last and i am ok with that. i just need a dose.

i am only going to date my husband in case you were concerned- but i am going to date him. old and married is not working right now. he keeps asking me why i am acting so weird. i am really practicing visualizing what it was like when we were dating; being more spontaneous, kind, fun, talking (really talking), laughing, planning dates, dreaming together etc.. i have realized that dating with no money is more challenging. it was much easier to date in the caribbean with $1000 in our pockets - but we will make due.

it is hard work and i do know that is why most of us don't date forever, we get married so we can stop the charade. it is exhausting being kind and coming up with meaningful discussion. it hurts to suck in your stomach all the time. it is time consuming to research something great to do on a date night. actually being funny isn't hard for me but i do think it is important to start dating all over again every few years.

patria 360

we have several responses to our vision meeting. we even have our first heckler. someone wrote to michael to criticize our choice of words in the ad. welcome to ministry!

please be praying for that date and the people that will be coming.

nice mommy?

i overheard my older kids talking this morning (after they came in my room 162 times before 8 am) about if they wished they didn't have parents. tatiana asked harrison and he said no, he is glad he has parents. she went on to ask if he wished he had a "nice mommy". he didn't answer or he whispered so no one could hear the response.

what is a nice mommy when you are 5? is it a permissive mommy? is it a fun mommy (i question who can be fun with 162 sleep interruptions before 8 am?)? is it a rich mommy that can buy them fun and things? what is a nice mommy? let me know if you have any ideas or can remember back that far? i don't know if i am interested in being a 5 year olds definition of nice but i am interested in what it is.

i am working on being a good mommy. more patient, more fun, more playful, less volume and edge to my requests. i need lots of prayer in this area if you have extra time in your prayer life.